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’ I said. ‘Expedite reports to my email inbox. A word with you, T-Square, if I may.’ We stepped away from the scene so that we were out of hearing. ‘I just wanted to congratulate you, T-Square.’ ‘For what?’ ‘Why the birth of your niece.’ I replied. ‘Which niece is that?’ asked T-Square. ‘Oh, come on.’ I said. ‘This is not an SBI idiot you are talking to. I know you and Paulina Patterson have the same father. He’s in prison for the murder of your mother, after getting away with murdering her mother.’ ‘Damn, Cracker, you really are the shit.’ said T-Square, and I could tell he was impressed. ‘But don’t you go telling that to nobody else.’ ‘Nooooo, we wouldn’t want to ruin your already useless reputation by having everyone know an A.D.A. is your sister.’ I said. ‘Your reputation is about to take a dive, I.C.’ he said, then caught himself. ‘From what I hear, anyway.’ Too late, I thought to myself. The cat is out of the bag, T-Square. Cat is out of the bag. ‘Oh I hope not.’ I said. ‘I know. But where? He racked his brains, trying to recall where he could’ve seen an alien. Ah! He clicked – he’d seen him at one of the many rap concerts he’d attended. The alien looked like notoriously awful rapper Too $hort. “Mmmm…yeah…,” Dick Pound mused, “If you could go ahead and tell me who you are, that would be great…”“YEAH YEAH,” the alien responded in caps, “REAL PLAYAS UP IN HERE NOW. REPRASENT.”The alien’s response of some Too $hort lyrics confirmed Dick Pound’s suspicions – the alien was Too $hort, and spoke only in caps, much like the lyrics to the song “Yo Neck, Yo Back” must have been written. The beat stuck in his head – de do de do do de do de do de do de do do de do de. It was a shit beat.“YOU TALKIN SLL THAT SHIT ABOUT SUCKAZ LICKIN ON YA. ALL DOWN YO BACK UP YO CRACK. YOU TALKIN TO A REAL PLAYA NOW GURL. REAL. I DON’T GO FIRST.” Dick soon realised the alien spoke not only completely in caps, but largely only in Too $hort lyrics. Suddenly it all made sense – Too $hort had.
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